Whirled Views with Dan Burrell

Recently, I was asked to “weigh in” on the topic of Baptist Churches who, for a variety of reasons, don’t actually put the word “Baptist” in their church name.  For some, this is a pragmatic concession to avoiding doors where there should be windows in a church’s public image.  For example, use the term “Baptist” in many areas of the Northeast and you might as well be saying “cult” or “racist” or “Latter-Day Saints”.  Others are less noble and practice a sort of religious “bait-n-switch” moniker assignment which is intended to get people to give them a try who might have had some sort of negative “Baptist baggage” lurking in their closet and would otherwise pass them by.  Whatever, the rationale, it is a matter of great consternation in some circles of brethren who have apparently wearied of other great theological lint-picking topics.

But, as is the frequent case in this blogger’s ADD-addled mind, the topic of church names has been bouncing around for several weeks and I realize that there are actually some fairly interesting sub-groupings of church titles that can be both amusing and acceptably stereotypical.  Let me share a few with you….

1. Churches with One-Word Names

These churches have cool, hip-even, names which often sound as much like a rock band or a let’s-open-the-dictionary-and-point-at-any-word-and-use-it exercise.  Here are a few that I’ve seen recently: Kinetic, Elevation, Front-Porch (technically 2 words, but still hip), Mosaic, Celebration, North_______ (as in -ridge, -point, -pointe, -side, -ward, etc…), Impact, Lift, LatterRain, Life, and Fellowship. 

These churches are generally for the younger and hipper crowd (that means not me) and their pastor is usually still shaving with a cat and a bowl of milk.  The pastor usually doesn’t own a suit and if he should be caught wearing one, he wouldn’t apologize more if you caught him naked as a jaybird or wearing a silk teddy.  Often, they will shave their head and polish it with lemon pledge which gives them a nice shine and a friendly lemony aroma.  If they don’t shave their head, they will spike it, wax it, mousse it or towel dry it to get that “I just got out of bed” look.  Often, they will produce kewl-looking facial hair (even in the presence of a totally bald head).  Soul patches (that little tuft that grows between the chin and your lower lip), line side burns (which look like someone ran a charcoal briquet from sideburn to near the chin) the 5-day-old-5-o’clock-shadow look (which really is cool unless you have a beard like mine that grows straight out at which point you end up looking like a pubescent porcupine) and the every popular goatee du jour.  State-of-the-art techno worship, stage props and coffee made from beans that have been passed through the digestive system of South American racoons complete the “One-Word” named church experience.

2. Churches with names that prove that they use THE Bible

These churches put it all out front and they are NOT ASHAMED.  They believe that if they offend you before you actually walk in the door, they have begun the work of the Lord.  Often, these names begin with “in-your-face” declarations like “Bible-Believer’s Baptist Church” (which is to imply that other churches may technically be churches, but really they don’t believe the Bible because if they did, they’d have it in their church name like we do.)  But then, some good fundamentalist brethren decided that to merely say “Bible-Believers” was a compromise and so they took it a step further with the “KJV Bible-Believers Baptist Church” (because if the KJV was good enough for the Apostle Paul, it should be good enough for us!  Amen?).  Well, as the FFF would have it (Freakish Fundamentalist Fanatics) that wasn’t good enough, so some decided to adopt the coup de grace of Bible-believing church names…. The 1611 KJV Bible-Believers Baptist Church and all was well in fundamentalism.  Until, of course, someone decided to name their church the Hyles Baptist Church (I’m not making this stuff up) after the legendary (in his own mind) Jack Hyles — universal protector of the KJV after 1988 or so.  At any point, one can anticipate the formation of a Ruckman Baptist Church or a Riplinger Baptist Church.  (No use explaining this to the sane…just do a google search for “Peter Ruckman” or “Gail Riplinger”.)

These churches are usually so exclusive that they break fellowship with themselves every few months at which they refer to their former “Bible-Believers” as members of the Alexandrian Cults.  Their pastors choose hairstyles that are of several approved styles: 1) High and Tight — you know like they give you on the first day of boot camp or the first day in prison; 2) the ever-so-stylish pompadour; 3) recommended by Brylcream or 4) the artistic weave (practiced by guys who have developed a totally clear landing strip down their dome but are still in serious denial thus they weave the few pathetic strands from the sides of the road and which are now six feet long artfully into a poor imitation of a combover which is really quite amusing should you be so lucky as to be near them on a windy day.) 

 These guys also sleep in wing-tips and polyester suits (double-breasted preferred).  White shirts are the sign of a true man and if you dare wear a pastel-colored shirt, you should simply join a Metropolitan Community Church as you are surely gay.  Wrinkles are OK, cuff-lins aren’t and navy, gray and black are your only options.  Members are expected to be able to pass dress-check when entering the vestibule.

3. The More-the-Merrier Named Church

There is a definite co-relation between the number of words in a church name and the racial composition of its congregation.  As a general rule 3-word named churches will be as lilly white as a Brigham Young football game.  Four-word named churches can go either way.  But when you hit five words in a church name, you can bet your tithe check it is a church for “brothers” and I don’t mean in the spiritual sense of that word.  Any time you see these words used in a collection of four or more  followed by the word “church”, well you just gotta’ know they’ve got some good gospel music happening inside: Apostolic, Deliverance, Faith, Prophecy Divine, Holiness, Pentacostal, Zion, Horeb, Missionary, Ebenezer, House, Prayer, United, Holy Ghost/Spirit.  These churches also seem to have the market on 15-passenger vans pretty much cornered.  Many a tragic accident has nearly occurred because of a driver’s insistence on trying to read the entire church name from one of these fellowships while driving 70 down the interstate.

4. The Fundamentalist-Sub-Title Church

These particular churches are usually small and want you to know who they are before you even think about walking inside.  At the same time, heaven forbid that you think they might be a black church, so they won’t put all their adjectives in the actual name of their church.  They use “sub-titles” instead.  Watch for their signs, but plan on reading them twice.  They will use the traditional 3-word name like “Bible Baptist Church” or “Calvary Baptist Church”, but then underneath, you get the whole scoop.  In smaller, but still clearly readable letters, they’ll tell you what “kind” of Baptist they are with a series of additional informative adjectives like: Independent, fundamental, missionary, soul-winning, Southern, premillenial, pre-wrath, post-wrath, amillienial, separated, BJU-supporting, GARB, non-charismatic, moral majority, Republican, pro-American, anti-immigration, gun -totin’, “Christ-honoring” music, women-can’t-wear-pants, Christian-school sponsoring, anti-NIV, IFCA, SBC, ABC, CBC, BBF, SWBF, IBBF, FBF, anti-Purpose-Driven, Purpose Driven,  Beka-Book, homeschool, anti-cell group, no drums, CCM, just-say-no-to-wire-rim glasses, etc…  If you don’t line up with all the subtitles, you’re basically not welcome, because, well….what would people think of us if we allowed the likes of you to worship with us?

5. The Obscure Bible Terms/Names Church

These churches seem to look far and wide to find little known places in Biblical geography or obscure or obtuse theological terms that may be “code” to the knowledgeable to name their congregations and give them a unique identity.  Look for these words: Ebenezer, Gilead, Zion, Pisgah, Horeb, Herman, Berean, Corinthian, Laodicean, Pauline, Pergamus, Adventist, Ephesian, Bethany, Desiring God, Christ-Honoring, Believers, Abiding-in-Him, Covenant,  Glad Tidings, Petra, Colossian, etc…  Unless you have a seminary degree, upon seeing the church title, you might simply furrow your brow and say, “Huh?”

6. The Upright (and at times, Uptight) Church Name

All churches are technically institutions, but some are INSTITUTIONS and you can often see that in a name.  For example, any church that has “First” in it’s name is an INSTITUTION.  They have squatter’s rights to the spiritual of that particular denomination.  Yes, you may indeed go to a non-numbered church or on occasion, a lesser-numbered church (in the USA, I’ve never seen a number go higher than 4th, but it is possible.  I once attended a Thirteenth Baptist Church in Santiago, Cuba.)  But if you don’t go to “First Church”, well then, you’ll always just feel a little lower than the others. 

Another category of the Upright/Uptight would be churches named after Streets.  This poses somewhat of a dilemma if the church chooses to relocate to a different street (see High Street Baptist in Springfield, MO and Thomas Road Baptist in Lynchburg, VA), but usually they just ignore the address and keep the name. 

Another great signal is any name with Memorial in it.   If there is a Memorial in the name, you’d better believe that someone from the individual’s family is still a member there and woe, and I mean WOE, to the pastor or individual who would dare consider changing the name of the church to something else. 

These churches usually keep a pipe or Wurlitzer organ in the sanctuary even if no one knows how to play it.  Guests who enter when the pipe organ style is being played have been known to spontaneously genuflect even when they’ve never been in a church before.  When the Wurlitzer organ is playing, guests are known to have experienced episodes of confusion and furtively whispering to their spouses something about forgetting their roller skates.

On some occasions, as a church is transitioning to a more contemporary style or is still at war with itself as to whether or not we should try to keep their teens attending the church, you will find the organ accompanying a praise band which makes for a most-interesting, er, uh, shall we say, “Instrumental Cornucopia” of sounds and rhythms.  One will also note that the organ is always placed as far as is architecturaly possible from the trap set on the platform.  But if the organ ceases to be in view, the upright/uptight church must change it’s name to a one-named church.  (Which is usually easier to accomplish AFTER the split rather than during it.)

There are other groups of churches classified by name categories, but my time for writing is over on this day.  For those of you who are positively foaming at the mouth with rage over my tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor, please relax and get over yourself a little bit.  We can laugh at ourselves and not be apostates.  I’ve actually attended, pastored, preached at, been members at churches that fit all of the above categories and then some.  If you know of a category that really needed to be mentioned, feel free to add it in the comments section.  And if you can’t laugh with us, just laugh at us.  It won’t matter in a hundred years.

Peggy Noonan has to be one of my Top Five Favorite Writers of all time.  Her words flow like rain on a tin roof.  Each one a powerful stacatto, but together, somehow soothing, yet powerful.  Today, she nails it once again in this exceptional editorial on politics, America, political correctness and conservatism lost.  You can read it HERE.

Dade Christian School in Miami Lakes, FL and The Master’s Academy in Broward County, FL are looking for qualified applicants for senior administrative leaders.

Dade Christian School is seeking applicants for the position of: Secondary Principal.  Applicants must hold a strong personal Christian testimony, be knowledgable of a Christian worldview and it’s integration into a secondary curriculum, must hold a recognized Master’s Degree or above in Educational Leadership and must be experienced in school administration.  DCS is fully-accreditted by FACCS, ACSI and SACS.  Student enrollment for grades 7-12 is approximately 600.

The Master’s Academy is seeking applications for the position of: Principal.  Applicants must hold a strong personal Christian testimony, be knowledgable of a Christian worldview and it’s integration into a K-8 curriculum, must hold a recognized Master’s Degree or above in Educational Leadership and must be experienced in school administration.  TMA is fully-accreditted by FACCS, ACSI and SACS.  Student enrollment for grades K-12 is approximately 400.

Interested individuals should send a resume and email of inquiry to: dburrell@dadechristian.org or jvirtue@dadechristian.org.

Additionally, DCS and TMA are accepting applications for a variety of teachers for various subjects in grades 7-12 and for elementary positions.

My morning “catching up with my reading” ritual often includes a visit to the Sharper Iron website where there is fresh article posted each week-day morning.  This morning, one of my favorite writers, Dr. Kevin Bauder, of Central Theological Seminary wrote a great little treatise on keeping the Sabbath.  (You can read it HERE.)  In his article, Bauder reminds us that God created us and then commanded us to “Sabbath.”  He goes on to challenge us to consider the implications and consequences of a modified sabbath of sorts. 

This has long been a weakness of mine.  Growing up in a culture that equates idleness with slothfulness, raised in a spiritual community that had created an impression that our worth in Christ was somehow equated with our work “for” Christ, having a personal drive that leads me to “feel guilty” if I’m not doing something “productive”, have all created a pattern in my life that ranges from adrenaline addiction to an unhealthy habit of failing to “be still and know that He is God (and I am not)”.  Yet, Scripture is not ambiguous in regard to God’s directive to take at least a day off each week and recharge our batteries.  Not take a day off each week and catch up on the laundry or wash the car or paint the bedrooms —- but to REST.

As a classic Type-A personality I have struggled for years with being a workaholic.  I admit that with no pride and I will admit to you that my proclivity for unbalanced living reveals itself most drastically in my struggle with work vs. Sabbath.  Somehow, along the way, I’ve bought into the idea that some parts of the 10 Commandments are more important than others.  It’s interesting how we rationalize our conduct and redefine God’s expectations for self-centered reasons.  For instance, if I were to murder someone or commit adultery — my violation of those two commandments would result in catastrophic consequences for my ministry and reputation.  However, I can work thirty days straight without taking some time off and be commended for my diligence and hard work.  Yet, remembering the Sabbath is every bit as much a part of God’s expectations as honoring one’s parents, keeping one’s marital vows and avoiding swearing and thievery.

Of course, there’s the annual vacation, but even during that break I will often schedule so much “activity” that quite honestly, thirty minutes after I get home, I need another vacation.  Generally, as soon as I walk through the door after a vacation, I head to my desk, open up the email and start slogging through my schedule and calendar.  (And that’s in spite of the presence of the ever-vibrating Blackberry on my hip which allows me some emailing capabilities any place and at any time.)  Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it at all to take a vacation when facing the groaning pile on my desk upon my return.

But, in reality, I shouldn’t be asking such questions if the Scripture tells me to take one day out of seven and stop working.  Maybe God knows our body needs some relief to the pummeling we give it in a typical work week.  Maybe the Lord wanted to remind us that we need to stop and acknowledge His presence in and around us on at least a weekly basis.  Maybe He wants us to quit pretending that the world will stop revolving if we don’t stay on our treadmill.  But whether or not I understand, I’ve still been told to do it and I have but one option and that is to OBEY.

I think that sometimes, because I’m in the ministry, I try to “prove” how hard I work to distance myself of the perception that “pastors work only one day a week.”  I’ve never known a pastor that didn’t work more than forty hours a week — at least not a Baptist pastor.  But that still is no excuse for violating one of God’s commandments.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to look at our lives and start keeping the Sabbath.  Whether or not we notice significant benefits, if God asked us to do it —- shouldn’t we at least try to obey?

I’ve been so busy this week that I haven’t had time to congratulate the winners (and losers) of the 4th Annual Whirled Views March Madness Bracket Contest.  This year’s first place winner was M. Snyder.  I’m not sure who this is — if you want to tell us, leave a comment below.  In a close second place finish….eh, hm……was YOURS TRULY.  Both of us picked Kansas and Mr. Snyder edged me out by making one more correct pick.  Had North Carolina played like they wanted to win or had I picked our home town favorite, Davidson, to go further, I would have pulled ahead.  But….there’s always next year.

Our Hall of Shame was won by the husband and wife team of Patrick and Crystal Mitchell.  Patrick, of renown blog fame, is not only confused by the emerging church movement, but also apparently by college basketball.  (Sorry, Patrick — just HAD to tweak ya’….you know I love ya’, bro!)

Notice that I do not share my prognasticating skills with my own son as he finished 3rd from last himself. 

Anyway….it was fun contest with a record number of participants.  We’ll see you again next year and maybe then, I’ll be settled enough to offer a prize once again.  This year, all Mr. Snyder gets is our admiration and bragging rights.

Periodically, as a pastor in Florida and in North Carolina, I would schedule a service which I’d call “Reconciliation Sunday”.  In Florida, I was blessed to pastor a church that had a vibrant congregation of over three-dozen nationalities.  I found deep-rooted cultural traditions and at times latent racism in North Carolina which made my goal of having a multi-ethnic congregation much more difficult, but we made some progress.  In my heart, I loved the Sunday when we purposefully reached out across racial, ethnic and cultural barriers and chose to worship the Lord in unity.

One of the things I’m looking forward to in our move back to South Florida is the diversity of the culture in ministries there.  What seems “unusual” in the Bible Belt and other parts of the country is common place in many churches in large metropolitan areas like Miami — seeing people from all over the world in church together.  It has been said that the most segregated places in America are churches on Sunday mornings.

This isn’t just a “white church” problem though it is a white church problem.  As evidenced by the awful rhetoric of Barak Obama’s pastor, “Rev. Wright” — some African-American congregations aren’t exactly places where caucasians or hispanics are going to feel warm and fuzzy.  Whatever the racial composition of a church, we should hope and pray that the issues of bigotry and racism would be absent, but we know that this simply isn’t the case.  However, the fact that it isn’t the case, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be working on it.

Not every church exists in a diverse area where folks from other cultures or even other races mix in the local community.  I attended a church once in the rural Northwest and there probably wasn’t a person of color in the entire city — so it simply wasn’t an issue there.  But few cities of significant size don’t have the opportunity to cross the bridges of monocolor ministry and reach out to those who hail from other parts of the world or who share a divergent ancestry.

Without a doubt, there are cultural differences in worship and churches.  My Jamaican friends have long teased me about my insistence on starting services on time.  They operate on what they call “island time” which means, “we’ll start when we get here, whenever that is.”  My African-American and Latino friends mock me for being “rhythmically-challenged”.  In their words, I “clap like a white boy.”  I tried to learn Spanish from a friend from South America who would call my mangled efforts, “Spanglish”.  But the love we had for Christ and for each other overcame all of our differences and drew us together on common ground.  What started off being a little uncomfortable at times, became one of the things I enjoyed most about church — worshipping with folks that didn’t look just like me.

One of the exciting fruits of an international congregation is the impact that it can have on a church’s vision for missions.  Many folks who attended the churches I pastored and were from other parts of the world would return to their countries of origin and even the ethnic communities of the US for visits.  When they went, they often faithfully took the message of Jesus Christ with them.  We were delighted to see many people introduced to a saving knowledge of Christ as church members became personal missionaries.

Developing a multi-cultural church takes time and effort.  Sometimes it works best when it starts from the ground up as my friend, Jason Janz is emphasizing as he plants Providence Bible Church in Denver, Colorado.  His new church plant is committed to a spirit of multi-ethnicity and they’ve even rented space from a historic African-American congregation to help make the point.  Having a multi-cultural church isn’t simply a matter of being “friendly” to folks who visit and happen to be of a different skin hue or have an accent.  It’s going out and making relationships with folks in the community.  It’s inviting them over to dinner.  It’s not about shaking hands, but embracing people.  It’s not feeling some sense of foolish pride for being “open-minded” and “tolerant, it’s getting to the point where you don’t even notice any more.

Blended churches indeed have challenges, but the blessings far outweigh the burdens.  Perhaps it is time for more believers to lift the blinders from their eyes and way of thinking and to reach out to the diverse cultural and ethnic community that is right at our doorsteps.  It’s not just the job of missionaries and evangelists.  In a period of history where our world grows smaller every day, the mission field has now come right to us.

In the world of Motorsports and at the racetracks around North Carolina in particular, Max Helton was a unique missionary of sorts.  Here’s another article from today’s Charlotte Observer that gives you some insight into his ministry.

Click HERE.