Whirled Views with Dan Burrell

We’re coming up on that time of the year when we start thinking of what to get people who have been a blessing or inspiration to us a little something to say “Thanks” or “We love you” and for many people, that includes their pastor.  As a former pastor who has nothing to gain from writing this article at all, I thought it might be a help to share some thoughts from a pastoral perspective and even share some ideas to help you come up with something that is helpful and not a waste of your money.

First, let me tell you what your pastor does not probably want or need….

1. Most anything purchased at a Christian bookstore that isn’t a gift certificate.  Schlocky “Christian” art, paperweights and wall plaques with poems written to pastors by some unnamed author, a quilted Bible carrier, etc… just simply isn’t what your pastor needs or wants.  It’s like getting your kid’s school teacher something that has the word “teacher” or an apple on it or worst of all — a coffee mug.  It just isn’t needed and it ends up in a garage sale or a good-will box shortly.  Even buying a book for him isn’t a good idea — he probably already has it or won’t read it.  Unless they’ve specifically said, “I want this book” — they probably already have it or won’t read it.

2. Fruit and cookie tins.  They’ll get a couple from someone, you can count on it and one or two a season isn’t bad.  I mean, really — who doesn’t like a good selection of cheese and summer sausages?  But 30 of them is a bit much.  So we re-gift or send them to the food bank.  I know they are easy and quick, but they also tend to communicate — “Here pastor, I couldn’t think of anything thoughtful for you, so here’s a bowl of fruit I picked up at Publix at the checkout counter.  Enjoy.”

3. A Bible.  Guess what.  I know this is shocking, but your pastor already has a Bible….or THREE DOZEN.  He’s probably covered in that area.  I’ll never forget getting flown half-way across the country one time to speak at a place and was gone from my family for several days and my honorarium for the trip?  A $50 Bible.  $50 I could have used.  A Bible?  I had plenty.  I still have it — in it’s original box.  I don’t know what to do with it.  They engraved me name on it.  I can’t regift it.  So I keep it.  LOL.

OK…now I’ll get more serious and make some practical suggestions:

1. A gift card. Seriously — a gift card to just about anywhere is always nice.  It’s like “free money”.  I loved getting gift cards because I would buy things that I normally would not buy.  Some fancy-schmanzy cup of coffee at Starbucks, a book online at Barnes and Noble, a new fishing rod at Bass Pro Shop or some new tool at Lowes.  It’s just fun to spend a gift card.  If you gave me money, I’d pay a bill with it or give it away.  A gift card, I would always use.

2. A family night basket.  One thoughtful family once gave us a basket wrapped in cellophane that had microwave popcorn, a 2-liter of soda, a table game and a video rental card in it and it was really thoughtful and fun for the whole family.  We loved that.

3. A Kindle or some other electronic reader.  Your pastor would probably never ask for it and wouldn’t splurge for it, but he might just want one.  (Find out from his wife if he wants or has one.)  Now you probably aren’t wanting to spend $300 bucks for a Christmas gift for the pastor, so consider having your entire Sunday School class or department or some other group going together.  Someone gave me one several years ago and I use it constantly.  I can have 1,500 books on it at any one time.  It saves time, space and money as the books are cheaper than buying them on line.  Some people want a hard copy book in their hands, but if your pastor is 40 or younger, I bet he’s wanting an e-reader of some kind.

4. A restaurant date with his wife.  Put a gift card to the Red Lobster or some other fine-dining establishment in an envelope and a coupon good for childcare at your house and let the pastor and his wife go out together.  There’s a good chance your pastor isn’t from your town so he may not have family where he can dump the kids — so make it possible for it to be a date night with his wife.  It’s a good investment.

5. Season tickets somewhere for the family.  (Again, this is a group gift.) One year, a group at my church in Charlotte got together and gave us season tickets to Carowinds.  We probably wouldn’t have gone even once — too much money.  But with season tickets, we would often visit — sometimes for just an evening or to visit the water park or my wife would take the kids.  They were a great gift that we enjoyed an entire season.  Brilliant idea.

6. Car Washes.  The pastor has to have a clean car for things like funerals, etc… and Saturdays — when most people have time to wash their cars are usually filled with weddings, ball games, getting ready for Sunday or week-end services.  A deacon in my Charlotte church once gave me a year’s supply of car washes and a case of tire black for Christmas.  Over the course of a year, it saved me hours of time and mucho dinero and was one of the coolest, most unique gifts I ever received.

7.  A night away in a hotel with his wife.  One year, someone gave me my wife and I a trip to a bed and breakfast for a night.  It was such a nice break and something we’d never have done on our own.  It probably cost $100 and included a certificate for dinner, but it was really a nice time for us.

8. Something for the wife.  It was always honored to have someone do something nice for me, but if someone did something nice for my wife — well, that was just the best.  So if someone gave a gift to my wife instead of me, I really loved that.

9. Gas.  Pastors use a lot of gas.  Go ask his secretary for his keys and take it to the gas station, gas it up, vacuum it out and wash it and give the keys back and he’ll be blessed.

10.  A letter.  It isn’t about money or price.  Really.  Believe me on this.  Sure….pastors have needs and bills like anyone else, but it’s not about “stuff”.  Write a nice letter.  Give him a jar of homemade jelly.  Give him a few pictures of the church and his ministry.  Simple and cheap stuff mean a lot as well.  Pastors often lead with their hearts, so if you want to bless him — touch his heart.  They’ll keep a letter and a photo.  They’ll appreciate something made with your own hands.  They’ll love you for being personal.  Don’t think spending money is what it’s about.

If you feel like this post is inappropriate and that pastors should be giving gifts.  Look, you tithe and he gets paid and that should be enough.  Then seriously, if you’ve read this far, please don’t get him anything.  He doesn’t want it.  He didn’t sign up for the ministry so he could get your stuff.  Don’t stress about it and don’t feel obligated.  Honestly.

But if you, like we will do with our family this year, want to bless your pastor and his family, I hope you’ll consider some of the ideas I’ve shared in this.  He’ll be delighted with whatever you do to express your love and appreciation — I just wanted to say a few things that he probably wouldn’t say in a million years.

I’ve never made it a secret that I’m a “Country Boy”.  Though I’ve lived in the city longer than I lived in the country, as the saying goes, “You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy.”  The values of Middle America, the Heartland, “Flyover Country”, Small-Town America, Norman Rockwell country, the Breadbasket, the Bible Belt or whatever else you want to call it are the values that made this country great.  We’re often called “Rednecks” because many of us worked in the sun and our red necks and farmer’s tans were evidence that showed what the callouses on our hands would confirm as soon as we greeted you.  We were people who knew how to work hard, love our family, keep commitments and worshiped God.

I’ve enjoyed the humor and jokes that go along with the term “Redneck” and some of them are uncomfortable accurate.  But for every cringe-worthy example and silly stereotype, you’ll find some mighty good habits and values as well.  Here are a few that someone recently passed on to me.

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to
be offended by the phrase, ‘One nation, under God..’

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never protested about seeing 
the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ‘ Christmas’
instead of ‘Winter Festival’

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when
someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your
hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces
veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never burned an
American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe
and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and
raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You’d give your last dollar to
a friend. 

This week’s edition of “Friday Friends” touches on someone who has so many qualities I admire, respect and which make him interesting that I almost don’t know where to start.  Kent Haralson is quite possibly the most interesting man with whom I’ve ever worked (and THAT’S saying something.)  He’s brilliant, energetic, quirky, principled, forceful, compassionate, sensible and above all deeply committed to Christ at every level.

I first met Kent when I was a school principal.  We worked on the same church staff in West Palm Beach.  Kent was an executive with IBM in Rochester, MN who felt the call of God into the ministry when he was in his early 40’s or so.  He left a lucrative career, financial security and his “home turf” to load up and move to the mission field of South Florida.  He joined our church staff as a pastor and brought along his sweet wife and two kids, Doug and Christine.

Kent and I clashed from the “get-go”.  He was hard-charging, idealistic and still shaking off some of the remaining stands of legalism that complicated both of our lives and ministries back in those days.  I was insecure, threatened and a bit further down the road than he was at the time in the whole “grace vs. traditions” issues that came out of our fundamentalist backgrounds.  It got so tense between us that our boss — the Senior Pastor — insisted that we sit down weekly just to clear the air and communicate.  From that weekly ritual, a life-long friendship has sprung up.

A few years later, I was called to be the Senior Pastor and our relationship would be forced to change as a result.  I anticipated that it would be difficult.  I’ll try to be gentle, but Kent is less than a decade younger than my mom and more than a decade older than me.  (How’s THAT for diplomacy?)  To now have to work under the leadership of a 29-year-old (and no, that wasn’t a typo — I was really that young when I became a Sr. Pastor) had to be a challenge for him, but if it ever was, he never showed it.  Our weekly meetings continued and lengthened.  There were times when we were making changes and starting ministries and enduring battles that it honestly felt like we were back to back in the conflict trying to guard each other from the inevitable darts.

We continued to serve for several more years, when the Lord gave him the opportunity to be a Senior/Solo Pastor himself.  He loaded up his truck and moved to Montana.  There he took on the challenge of a small church and faithfully lead that flock for more than half-a-decade.  I’ve often said, I have neither the character nor talent to pastor a small church.  I so admire pastors who have flocks of less than 150 attenders or so.  Pastoring large churches as I’ve been assigned is SO MUCH easier than being a solo pastor.  They have to do everything, carry everything, attend everything and when something goes wrong — it’s always their fault.  One little trouble-maker in a small church can cause a tsunami — and often, they are so inter-connected in the congregation that right or wrong, they have a substantial “cheering section” that will support them and blame the pastor if they decide to get bent out of shape.  I simply am not equipped to handle that kind of stress.  Kent has the maturity and depth of character and spiritual discernment to minister long and deep in that setting and I so admire him for that.

Then he took a church closer to his home area in Northern Wisconsin.  Again, he became the shepherd for a small flock in a historical church in a tiny town and he serves there to this day.  He has weathered more than one personal and professional “storm” in his life and yet, the Lord continues to use him in many and unique ways.  Few people come into contact with “Doc” (as he’s known by just about everyone) without having their lives changed.  Whether it’s his colleagues, former students (he taught an AWESOME philosophy/worldview class in our Christian high school every year which was dreaded with a passion and then considered the best class they probably ever took), his martial arts trainees, his church members, his friends or his family — Kent is not the kind of guy that you ignore, nor do you forget what he teaches and models.

I can’t share all that he does, but let me give you a few examples –

He has a life-long habit of hanging epigrams on his office door for people to read when they walk by.  The OCD part of me once started to say — “No hanging handmade signs on the doors….it’s looks cluttered.”  Then common sense prevailed as I realized how deeply those little sayings would be engrained in my own life.  One of my very favorites that I constantly use today is “You Impress People from a Distance; You Impact Them One-on-One.”  He has hundreds of others that are just as profound.

He is incredibly self-disciplined physically.  He used to get on my case all the time about exercising more.  He is a black-belt Karate Sensei  and would ride his bike hundreds of miles each month.  He even bought me a bike one year for my birthday which was promptly stolen from my house within days as we lived in a bad neighborhood at the time.  I made him start wearing a helmet more faithfully after he took a tumble over his handlebars one day.  But the guy is a rock-hard and disciplined.  He even got the police called on him one night at a hotel where we were staying because someone saw him practicing his Karate moves in the courtyard and freaked out.  I’ve always admired his commitment to good health which he keeps to this day.  (Other than his total, inexplicable and somewhat bizarre addiction to ketchup.)

He is loyal like few I’ve known.  I had to drive him nuts many days, but he never shared that with anyone.  He would fight like a junkyard dog for his point of view privately, but when he left the room — he was a team player.  (I respect that so much for both fighting and following.)

He is interested in people.  Few people that I’ve ever known could remember people’s names, occupations and just about every other tidbit that might connect him with them, like Doc.  He, to this day, sends stacks of birthday and anniversary cards and emails.  He disciples people one-on-one, not for a week or two, not for a month or two — but for YEARS at times.  He is interested in developing leadership among others — he’s always believed in being a “HORSE” not a “MULE”.  (You have to hear him teach on this, but the bottom line is that mules are strong, loyal and hard-working — but they are also sterile.  He believes in helping people become “horses” who reproduce themselves in others.)

He loves the Word.  He has huge amounts of Scriptures memorized.  He’s a writer and a thinker.  He disciples and trains.  He preaches and teaches.  But his whole ministry is borne of a deep and devoted love of the Word of God.

He’s got great kids and a sweet wife.  His kids weren’t and aren’t perfect, but today, they faithfully serve the Lord in the church their dad pastors.  It’s fun to become “adult friends” with the kids who used to raise sand in the halls — but I consider both of his children personal friends.  He “dates” his grandkids all the time and builds memories and transfer values with them.  His wife is a gentle, talented, gifted lady who epitomizes grace and Christian hospitality.  He doesn’t give up on people and he has consistently been a model for being a faithful dad and spiritual leader in the home for me.

I could go on and on, but hopefully by now, you see why I wanted you to meet Kent Haralson as this week’s “Friday Friend”.  We still interact as we are able.  We even caught a Packers vs. Panthers Monday night game together a few years ago with our boys and had a great time.  There have been a few times when he reached out to me in incredible ways and with personal sacrifice that are just too private for me to lay out on the internet.  He’s my friend and I respect and admire him.

You can see his church website HERE.  I thank God for friends like Kent Haralson.